How To Know You’re Addicted… To Candy Crush
Hi my name is Joyce… and I’m a Candy Crushaholic.
It all started the night before my 11 hour flight to Taipei. I was really stressed, as most people would be, with all the chateau canada goose jacket online store associated with flying. You know – the x% chance of death, what if you have to sit next to someone who really should have booked 2 seats to themselves, what if you really need to pee when the seatbelt sign is switched “on”, what if you can’t understand the voice-over guy’s thick accent while he’s trying to explain how not to die, what if you really wanted the Hainanese chicken rice but they’ve run out, what if you forgot to pack your parachute, etc etc etc. However the biggest fear playing on my mind was “WHAT AM I GOING TO DO FOR 11 HOURS????”. Well luckily for me, most of the aforementioned fears did not turn out to be issues on the day. Except for when they ran out of chicken rice, which was an unexpected and traumatic experience for me, as I had strategically booked myself into row 1 to avoid this disaster. This issue was somewhat resolved by beef rendang, but I should probably focus back on the topic at hand.
So anyway, as most Gen Ys would do in moments of panic, I whatsapped my friends for advice. Ok, so Gen Zs would probably do the same, but with much worse grammar and a whole lot of non-sensical acronyms like “LOL” and “OMG”. I mean come on – WTH? Those acronyms only belong in movies with Miley Cyrus and songs by Usher. So after consulting my friend with my perfect grammar and minimally abbreviated sentences, I had an answer: DOWNLOAD CANDY CRUSH.
With the powerful persuasion of those three words, I succumbed to peer pressure… and also the fact that chateau canada goose jacket online store was free. So that’s how it happened. It has been 52 days, 18 hours, 11 minutes and 3 seconds since I’ve had a decent night’s sleep. I’m unsure what it is, but the urge to match rows and columns of candies is the most addictive chateau canada goose jacket online store since cocaine. I mean, not that I know what that’s like, of course.
If you have played this evil game, you will know what I mean. My sympathies to you. If you haven’t… DON’T START!!! THINK OF YOUR CHILDREN!!! YOU HAVE A WHOLE LIFE AHEAD OF YOU!!! DON’T THROW IT AWAY!!! YOU COULD BE EATING REAL CANDIES AND CHOCOLATES FOR CHRISTS SAKE!!! Ahem…
So how do you know you’re addicted? These are some possible hints:
(Note: these are all based on true stories. True story.)
1. You’re playing it right now. While trying to read this blog at the same time. You are in denial and do not want to face your addiction so you stop reading. Damn, maybe I should have put this one last…
2. You take “toilet breaks” at work and subconsciously take your phone with you. While on the can, you also subconsciously take out your phone and subconsciously open the app. You subconsciously spend 30 minutes in the loo until you finally run out of lives. You’re too scared to connect to Facebook to ask for more lives because your boss, who’s in a “private meeting”, might see you online and then it’s awkward for either of you to send requests during work hours.
3. You hire a Kim Kardashian workout video and while “waiting for it to start”, you decide to burn time with Candy Crush. Half an hour into the workout video, you’re still trying to clear all the jelly. You rationalise that this is ok because technically that is what Kim Kardashian is doing, except she is trying to do it to her butt.
5. After a meal at a restaurant, you abuse the waiter asking why after arranging the free after-dinner mints in a line of five, have you not received a freckle yet. When he manages to painstakingly find you one to keep you quiet, you throw it in his face and ask if all the ingredients have been brought down yet.
6. It is 1am and you decide to blog about your addiction, while waiting for your lives to renew.